The world of computer hardware can be incredibly confusing. There are so many options out there, and it's all evolving so quickly that not even professionals in the midst of the field can keep up with it all. Combine that with an extremely high hype quotient, and you end up with a buyer's circus.

What do you really need?

If anything holds true in the computer world, it's that newer, faster, beefier, whizzier processors, printers, video and sound cards, peripherals, and everything else will come out the day after you make your buy. The relentless, monolithic marketing machine will do its damndest to convince you that you need the latest hardware. Since it's their job to conflate the difference between need and desire; it's your job to determine the difference.

Processors

The fact of the matter is that most of us spend most of our time browsing the web, writing e-mail, and working in word processors — and none of these are activities that require major processor speed. While the consumer is being sold CPUs as fast as those in ultra-expensive graphics workstations of just five years ago, our computers sit idle the vast majority of the time.

Fortunately for you, the CPU upgrade cycle means that the fastest chips can be as much as $500 more than those made just three or six months ago. All other things being equal, of course you should go for the fastest chip you can find. But if sums of money are involved, I can almost guarantee you'll be just as happy with a Pentium 233 as you will with a Pentium 333.

If, on the other hand, you lust after maximum speed, the future is in dual-processor machines. At this point in the game you'll pay quite a bit more for two CPUs than one, but if the fastest processor on the market isn't fast enough for you, the only way to go faster is to use two of them. If you use Windows 95 or MacOS, you won't get any extra performance, but if you use WindowsNT or the upcoming Rhapsody OS from Apple, you'll get 50-75% more performance in many applications. If you use Linux, you'll get close to 100% more, and BeOS will get you full utilization of all your horsepower, on any number of CPUs.

Memory

The opposite, however, is true for RAM. No matter what you do, you will never waste a penny on memory for your computer. The more you have, the better performance you'll get, no matter what you do. And it will benefit you every moment your computer is on, not just when playing games or rendering large graphics. If you have a choice, always opt for a slightly slower processor and a lot more RAM. I'd take a P133 with 64MB of RAM over a P233 with 16MB any day of the week. If you play a lot of action games however, you will definitely benefit from a powerful processor and more RAM.

Monitor

Here's one place where I'll recommend you clench your teeth and spend the extra bread for a bigger monitor. Most of the cheapo systems on the market come with a 15" monitor, at $300-400 savings over the same system with a 17" monitor. Two inches may seem insignificant, but trust me — it makes a huge difference. Your monitor is your primary interface onto your computer, and thanks to the Web, onto the entire world of information. Running applications full-screen is unpleasant and ugly — you want to be able to see your desktop and other running applications in the background. You can never get enough screen real estate. You won't regret the extra expenditure.

When shopping for a monitor, pay close attention to a spec called the "dot pitch." This refers to the size of the tiny holes through which light shines to make pixels. The smaller the dot pitch, the better the picture and the less eye strain you'll have. Do not under any circumstances buy a monitor with a dot pitch higher than .28. Optimally, spring for a .26 dot pitch or smaller.

When you first plug in and run your monitor, do your best to adjust the "pincushioning," or amount of picture curvature along the edges of the screen. If you can't make the lines straight enough, take the monitor back right away. This is an all-too-common problem, and exists with store-bought monitors as much as it does with mail order purchases. Oddly, it's not always easy to check out a monitor in-store, as salespeople don't want to open the boxes. Don't let the demo unit fool you into thinking yours will be exactly the same — they put the perfect ones out there (natch). If you can, insist that they take your monitor out of the box and test it in-store.

Video Card

Just one tip for new computer purchasers: demand at least 2MB of video RAM on the video card. If the machine is advertised as having only 1MB, ask how much it would cost to upgrade to a 2MB video card. This affects not the performance of the machine or the card, but the resolution at which you can drive your monitor — how many pixels and how much color depth can be sent to the monitor. If you have a 17" monitor, 1MB of video memory is totally unacceptable. 4MB is optimal, and is becoming more common on higher-end consumer systems.

Modem

Some new purchasers think the speed of their computer affects the speed at which things download over the Internet. There is no relation — Web speed is controlled entirely by the speed of your modem (although a faster CPU and more RAM will make your browser "handle" better), so it pays to make sure you get as fast a modem as you can. Check to make sure your ISP supports 56K connections, and get a 56K modem. Find out whether they require X2 or Flex for 56K (although this conflict been mostly ironed out and you should be safe either way). Otherwise, buy 33.6, not slower. Look for a marking on the box that says "DSP." This means you'll have a good chance of being able to upgrade the modem's firmware should the state of modem technology advance, or the manufacturer come out with an upgrade. Buying a DSP modem could potentially save you money down the road.

Printer

There's a mind-boggling array of choices available to buyers looking for a home or office printer. You need to decide first whether you need color or not, as this determines whether you're going to go inkjet or laser. If your needs are black and white, there's no substitute for the quality of a laser printer, especially when it comes to fine detail and ultra-professional looking business letters. If on the other hand you want to make your own greeting cards or T-shirt transfers, you'll only get color output from the inkjet family. You'll also want to consider the long-term costs associated with printer consumables, such as ink, toner, and paper. If you print a lot, this can add up, as laser printers will create pages at around 2-3 cents per page while inkjets average 3-4 cents per page — and more if you use the high-quality papers for making great color prints.

If you print in high volumes, you'll also want to consider print speed. A difference in three seconds per page can be huge when printing out a stack.

One final word on printers: here's one category where you don't want to buy without seeing the output up close and personal. Definitely make the round of your local computer stores. The stores will hate me for saying this, but the best consumer approach here is to investigate the printers and their output in-store, then make your purchase online to save the money.

Rules of thumb

It's much harder to set rules of thumb for hardware than it is for software, but keep these things in mind:

• As with software, read the comparative side-by-side reviews before deciding on anything.
• Beware of computer store salespeople. Far too many of them have less experience than you do, parrot marketing hype, don't actually use the products they're selling, and prey on consumer ignorance.
• Don't forget to check for posts on Usenet at DejaNews. Finding out what the owners of a particular piece of hardware think about it is invaluable.
• Be extra cautious when buying used hardware from individuals, especially if you don't know them or if they're out of state. This is especially true of hardware with moving parts, such as hard drives, CD-ROMs, and printers.

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By day Scot Hacker (yes, that's his real name) is a Ziff Davis techno-weenie, but by night, he's a goateed motorcyle-riding poet. Or is it the other way around? Check out his funkadelic Web site, the Birdhouse Arts Collective.