Considering the ungodly amount of dough corporate America is dumping into its Web sites, you can almost hear the conversations in the Madison Avenue conference rooms: "We need interactivity! Quizzes! Contests! Give-aways! Create a community around brand identity!" Yeah, yeah, you guys are all geniuses. So why do the sites all suck? Below, I've prepared a series of awards to some of our corporate friends for a job well done.
The Overt Attempt at Subliminal Seduction award goes to Subway® for their The Amazing Virtual Subway.® The object of this little Shockwave spree is to specify the ingredients you'd like on your sub just as you would if you were in an actual Subway store and then stuff as many of them in your mouth before your soda-slash-timer runs out. And you can actually watch as your stomach fills up! Shove 'em in, kids! There's plenty more where those came from!
The Cool Technology Does Not a Fun Game Make prize goes to BMW North America. Not even the "accuracy of the real-time tachometer, speedometer, longitudinal G-force and elapsed time readings" can save the Sebring Race Game from looking like two dots flying around a line with one dot (theirs) predictably kicking the other dot's (yours) ass. When's that VR page gonna be up?
The Desperate Pander to a Demographic crown goes to The Official Site of Generation Retch, er, Next. The site is chock full of juicy deconstructionist graphics, downloadable movie trailers (no thanks, there are plenty on TV), video game demos, funkee postcards to send to yer pals, a Pepsi/Playstation screensaver, and an obligatory music feature. This month, it's yet another interview with Puff Daddy. 'Nuff said.
And finally, if you've got nagging questions that need answers, look no farther than your breakfast table! Pop Tarts® Interactive Pastries can help, with Ask the Psychic Pop Tarts®. It's a memory hog and takes ages to download, but soulful answers like "Where there's a will, there's a way," make it totally worth the wait.
J. Betty Ray is the psychic pop tart who edits Fucker Dot Com.