a study in catalogs
by jenny boe, bernadette noll, and emma taylor

A Supposedly Fun Job I Never Took
by emma taylor

The Catalogs Quiz!
Answer ten quick questions and we'll rate your catalog savvy.

It's Not the Cold, It's the Catalogs
by bernadette noll

A Survey of Recent Works in Catalog Escape Literature
by jenny boe

Ever since J. Crew offered me a ridiculous sum of money to write for their "magazine" (that's what they call their catalog), I have had a morbid fascination with the catalog world. So it wasn't a Wall Street, "we'll pay your college loan" kind of offer, but for a would-be writer, it was quite a carrot.

I went all the way with J. Crew, right up to the final interview with Mr. Crew. (I don't know if that's his real name, but he was a very old man in charge of this family-run business. Who else could he have been?) I sat down with him and the latest J. Crew catalog, and answered his questions about which novels or authors each page called up. I gave him Kerouac, Salinger, Theroux... in fact, I gave him each name twice, because Mr. Crew's a little deaf.

I met with the editor of the catalog, and told her how a job at J. Crew would bring together my talent for writing and my passion for fashion. I told her of my mother, the seamstress, and how we used to design clothes together. All somewhat true, but it was so easy to exaggerate, there in the offices of J. Crew. I got swept up in the moment. The office LOOKS like a J. Crew catalog — white walls, wicker furniture, random pieces of preppy clothing hanging from hooks.

In the interview, Mr. Crew explained the opportunities for advancement. I would begin on short sentence fragments, brainstorming in a group. Within a year I would advance to complete sentences, and, if I proved my mettle, I might be allowed to invent colors in year two. My head was spinning. He offered me the job. I asked for a week to think about it. Mr. Crew looked a little perplexed, but agreed.

I called back three days later, from New Jersey's Great Adventure theme park. I said no. I received three more calls that week, from J. Crew girls who, I assume, were too afraid to tell Old Man Crew he'd been turned down. I said that no means no and sorry but New York City scares me. (So I lied. I love New York, but how could I explain to J. Crew that I could not hold my head high if I were being paid to invent colors?)

I think sometimes about the Ivy League graduate who took the job I declined. I wonder which colors are hers, and I wonder what kind of discount she gets on the clothes.

This week, Bernadette Noll and Jenny Boe experiment with living the catalog life, and we give you the chance to find out how well you know your catalogs. In It's Not the Cold, It's the Catalogs, Bernadette laments the staged glamorous romps in the snow that seduced her into the purchase of a thick wooly sweater — even though she lives in Texas. Then, Jenny Boe surveys recent works in Catalog Escape Literature. Finally, to rate your catalog savvy, take our Catalogs Quiz: Match the quotes to the catalogs, and we'll tell you if you need to mail-order yourself a new life.