The car in front of me has a bumper sticker on it that reads: Visualize using your turn signals. Failure to use directionals is a big peeve of mine, so I can't agree more, and I feel a great camaraderie with this VW Beetle.
Interstate 90 is pretty crowded today, especially around Schenectady, New York, and traffic is moving at a slow but steady pace. Don't think about changing lanes, though. I'm cruising along behind my highway buddy, fingers tapping on the steering wheel in time with the music, when POW! there's a new car in front of me, and it's so close there is almost a literal POW! — I might as well be attached to this person's trailer hitch. What the hell, I shout. She didn't even use her turn signal! I can see her eyeing me in her rear view mirror, giving me a look like, "What are you going to do about it?" I adjust my sunglasses, press firmly on the gas, and slam into the back of her Jeep. Muhaha. I back off, flip a few key switches that are custom to my Bond-mobile, and I proceed to drive over her car. Ha, take that! We'll see who's in front of whom!
With Road Rage in the media so much these days, we're all aware of the "dangers" of taking out our stress and frustrations on other "innocent" drivers. Innocent? I think not. It takes two to tango, or in this case, it takes two (or more) to engage in the highway version of a Monster Truck rally. Our problem is this: We don't prepare ourselves. We're not using Monster Trucks — we're using Jeeps and Toyotas and cars that crinkle when you sit on the hood.
I propose that we all drive in modified Monster Bumper Cars — for a new sport that combines auto racing and amusement park bumper cars. We'd all have big armoured cars with enormous bumpers and the ability to drive over anything. Oh yeah! Not only would this give us freedom on the highway, but imagine the off-roading possibilities here! Of course, on the highway this would greatly slow down traffic — if we're all out there ramming into one another, it best not be at 75 mph. So maybe it takes a day to get where you're headed instead of the three hours it takes now. But, think of all the happy people after we all de-stress ourselves on the highway...
Just imagine: we could have Monster Bumper Car Leagues, play team versions, even present day rival race car drivers could really put on a show in their bastardized bumper cars. We can turn Road Rage into a positive outlet, if we just organize it into a sport.
