Meli: I am 31 years old and divorced. I've met a great man who is smart, funny, and sexy. We've been seeing each other for a year and are contemplating moving in together. He is a psychotherapist and suffers from depression; he's taking antidepressants that have dealt him a severe hypertensive reaction on a few occasions but he doesn't feel that he can give them up. I have experienced clinical depression from time to time myself and am afraid that our negative qualities will feed off each other. We both tend to be critical and rather sensitive. Plus, given his profession, I feel like I am in over my head when talking about my feelings, relationship issues, and so forth. I am far less communicative than he is. Should we stay together? Help!

Let me clarify some misconceptions. Your boyfriend must be taking a type of antidepressant drug known as MAOI or monoamine oxidase inhibitor, e.g. Parnate or Nardil. These drugs, if mixed with certain specific food substances such as aged cheese, chianti, fermented foods, fava beans, etc., can produce a sudden and potentially dangerous rise in blood pressure, called a hypertensive crisis. If your boyfriend avoids eating these foods (and his doctor will have provided him with a list of the offenders), he is in absolutely no danger of high blood pressure.

The imbalance between each of your communication skills presents both risks and challenges. The risk is that he will talk circles around you, especially during disagreements, and you will feel overwhelmed by his verbal facility. The challenge is that you can learn to be more observant of your own feelings and more comfortable expressing them. That, indeed, would be a growth opportunity for you.

The most serious reservation you raise about your relationship is the fact that both of you have suffered from depression. It is usually best for at least one of the partners to be a nurturer. If both of you feel unfed, unlovable, and depressed, you may begin to feel lonely and find that your partner is too withdrawn to recognize or soothe your unmet needs. No one can decide for you whether the relationship is worth keeping. But if you do stay together, you may have to develop some special signals that you can use to communicate to each other when the emotional batteries are running low. Couples counseling could be very helpful for your relationship.