andrea: The child of a friend of ours recently drowned. He was only 8 years old. At a time like this, we are almost speechless. What can we say or do to ease the pain?

There is probably no more stressful event in a person's life than the death of his child, especially sudden, unexpected, violent death. If the loss was in some way avoidable, then self-reproach and blame will be as thick as molasses. I am a great believer in the comfort of speaking the truth. Tell your friend that you are not only devastated over his loss (indeed, perhaps everyone is a little more sensitive to the pain of sudden loss since Princess Diana's own death), but that you are "almost speechless," as you said. Right now, he may wish to be alone, but the offer of your shoulder, or of ears which are ready to listen, will say a lot too.