Do your own thing on the company clock!	"What the hell am I doing here?" is a question that plagues me daily as I sit in my cramped work cubicle. Answer: I need the money. Yet how's a gal supposed to get her filmmaking/writing/fashion design/publishing/stock market career off the ground if she has to spend all her time working for someone else? Do your own thing on the company clock! It's your time — your employers are just renting it. They should be thrilled that you even show up at all. Beyond the paycheck, you must at all times keep in mind how your job can benefit you and your life.
There are myriad tasks you can accomplish while keeping that nine-to-five gig. Much has to do with the kind of job you have and the amount of privacy you're allowed. First, find a job in a field that can accommodate your own interests. If you're a writer, don't do the clichéd thing and get a job as a waiter. Go where the computers are. It's the perfect foil if you're supposed to write reports, letters, and memos at work. If you're a musician, get an office job for free flier service, free phone calls to book your tour, and office-wide admiration of your coolness. Once you've got the right kind of job to suit your entrepreneurial spirit, you need to keep it. This means being able to do your job well. Multi-tasking individuals who can prioritize and be proactive will thrive on the job. You do not, I repeat, do not want to raise suspicion. They are paying you, so spend some of your time doing their meaningless tasks to keep up the veneer of the good employee. One way to make yourself shine is to work with idiots. Sounds silly, but this will help you in the long run. If you have some mentally-challenged friends, push to hire them at your place of business. Not only can they act as your scapegoat, but you'll always look one step ahead to the dictator upstairs. If you're lucky enough to land a job with a whole corral of imbeciles, then you've got it made. Whoever you work with, do not share your little secret with them. Too many things can go wrong. Either they'll be spiteful and jealous because they aren't as cool as you are, or worse, your co-worker will have one too many eggnogs at the Christmas party and spill the beans to your boss.
Appear to love your job and be really gung-ho.	The boss is your biggest concern. If you are savvy enough, intimidate your employer so that they are a bit scared of you. This way, they will not make accusations lightly. Act like you're always very hard at work so that disturbing you would be like waking a sleepwalker. Appear to love your job and be really gung-ho. There is a fine line in this area: You want to do your job, but not so well that you get promoted. This new responsibility will only cause anxiety and more work. Of course, if you are offered your own office, consider it. Sometimes a new position may actually mean less work. Weigh the options and do what is best for your own interests.
One of the most useful tricks I've learned relates to jobs that require the use of a computer. Let's say you're writing a book. While typing away, make sure to have another window or application open that you can quickly place in front of your personal work. A great extension called Window Shade allows you to double click on the top of the window and it'll leave only the title bar. Make sure to title your piece "The Fergerson File" rather than " My Autobiography — Chapter 38. " Utilize all resources available to you. Long distance phone calls, stamps, and paper clips are just a few of the things you can take advantage of on the job. Outfit your home office with everything you'll need, but make you sure you keep it simple. Don't go hog-wild and start taking home hard-drives or monitors. That would be illegal.
If this is done correctly your bosses will be begging you to stay home.	Master the sickness routine. Let's say you have a crucial meeting for your own business but can't realistically ask for a day off. A couple of days before said meeting, begin complaining of symptoms of a cold or flu. Sniffle and fake a cough or sneeze. If you are a bad actor, try getting completely smashed so as to let your hangover be misdiagnosed as that exotic flu strain that's going around. If you are a woman, wear less makeup, or even add some shading to give your eyes a tired affect. And remember: complain, complain, complain. If this is done correctly your bosses will be begging you to stay home.
Most importantly, you need to keep a good balance between your work and theirs. Pull this off and you can have a well-paying, steady job while doing your own thing until you don't need it anymore. My dream is that someday I'll be able to say goodbye to Ms. Nine-to-Five and say hello to full-time entrepreneurship. But in the meantime, I'll keep using my day job to write things like this.
Learn 6 Specific Tricks for Working on Company Time!
Janie Paycheck is an alias for a writer who does all her freelance work on company time and wants to keep it that way. © 1998 Tripod, Inc. All Rights Reserved