Sex and Relationships in the Workplace A while back, Tripod polled our members to see how you folks felt about the ticklish (no pun intended) subject of dating and sexual intimacy between co-workers in the same office. Oh sure — many of us are working incredibly long hours these days, thereby minimizing the chances of making contact with a "significant other" outside the work environs. And sure, it's natural for roving eyes to notice that the person in the next cubicle is, well, sort of yummy. But is it a good idea to get involved with a colleague? What are the ramifications for the two (or more) who have a dalliance — not to mention the weird vibe everyone else at the office will have to endure — should the brief moment of physical fireworks result in a long, disastrous falling out? To be honest, we're not above a little cheap titillation (no pun intended) and were hoping to hear some juicy stories, tempered with some real-life experience and advice. While we got several responses along those lines, we also received quite a few pithier replies. Consider, if you will, the following words of wisdom:

CarloC: Ummm, errr, NO WAY!!!!!!

buttercups3: Don't get your honey where you get your money.

dericv: Never dip your pen in the company inkwell!

PapaZulu: Live fast and die young! But never get involved with one of your colleagues — I once did and still regret it.

KMorrison: Can you spell "DANGER"?

Yes, Will Robinson, we can — it's spelled T-R-Y-S-T. At least that seemed to be the consensus of the Tripod members who contributed the following tales of woe and warning:

jmd: If you've met someone at work who knocks your socks off, or if you're interested in checking his or her potential, it's time for you to get another job, plain and simple. No string of mediocre/mildly pleasant experiences can make up for when things go wrong. One real-life example: Imagine interviewing with someone who's seen you naked. And still wants to see you naked. Oy!

achom: From personal experience, I can tell you that a personal/business relationship does not work. Once it starts, it cannot end until someone leaves the company. Trust me, I know. After three stormy years and countless hours of lost work, the relationship I'm trying to end is still not completely over. If I wasn't working with this girl, we would have had a six-month relationship, tops.

rpascual: I once worked for the same company as my girlfriend (now my wife). It was not a very good experience, especially because she worked in a department that audited our department. In less than two months, I left the company. No matter how objective you may be, the perception others have of your performance and work ethic is something you can't take for granted in your career.

Spunky: I work on a university campus. I used to date a guy that worked in a different department than I, but in the same building. My experience was that I never had any time to myself. He'd be waiting on me when I arrived at work in the morning — and on the few days that I didn't eat lunch with him, he would leave notes on my car before lunch so that I could pick them up when I left for my break. Then he'd call two or three times a day. When I'd go to my car at the end of the day there would be another note. My experience was one of total suffocation. I ended that relationship in a hurry.

JayD: It's dangerous, that's for sure — and it requires exceptionally professional behavior in a situation where perhaps that's the hardest thing to muster. My only experience with relationships in the workplace did not turn out especially well. It's not clear the joy (it was a wonderful, though not long-lived relationship) was worth the trouble of keeping it under control. My recommendation is to STAY AWAY!

mnicolas: I don't wish to date anyone at work for personal reasons. First, I am a sensitive person and I don't wish to be the topic of office conversation if something is going on between myself and another person. Further, I wouldn't want to spend almost all day with the same person — I would definitely go crazy if most of our conversation were (as they would likely be) work-related.

stvndit: This is a touchy (editor's note: no pun intended, I'm sure) subject, as it depends on the individual's expectations, but can lead to pretty nasty results like conflicts of interest and even to scenarios of "sexual harassment." Overall, I would stay away from any such undertakings; I have seen many a good marriage ruined because of this impromptu impulse.

Egad! Marriages destroyed, careers in tatters, pricey undergarments ripped to silky bits and dangling from a co-workers's teeth (okay, that bit is conjecture on my part). Is there no hope of an upbeat ending to a workplace rendezvous? Surprisingly, a brave few said there can be a happily ever after:

YKEYKEY: My experience has been both positive and (in one case) negative, so I say why not!!

CDAVID: I met my wife of three years when we were working at the same company.

Luka: If you can go barbecue with the guys at the office on the weekend, then surely you can have a relationship with another employee. From my own personal experience, I had a wonderful relationship (we found out some things we hadn't known about each other and were glad to learn), and despite having to see each others' face when we walked in in the morning, it was still worth it.

Tantivy : Hey, I say go for it... I had a great year with somebody I met at work, though we didn't work directly together. I say that any kind of relationship is bound to be hellish and frustrating at times, so give your co-worker a chance.

Fair enough, Tantivy — although your assertion that all relationships are "bound to be hellish and frustrating" is less than enticing. You have me thinking I'm better off staying single, hiding in my little office cranny with my Dilbert cartoons and my sepia-toned memories of a gloriously misspent youth.

Then again, the truth is probably (as it often is) between the two extremes: These sorts of relationships can work, but only if the parties involved are mature, professional, and responsible for the residual effects their actions can have at the office. To wit:

Bluenose: I think this is such a complex topic that it's hard to point out any hard and fast rules, unless you want to play it safe and protect yourself at all costs (in which case, employee dating should be generally regarded as a no-no). There is, however, one thing that I find that does help: If you do meet someone at the office and decide to pursue a relationship... LET EVERYBODY KNOW what's going on between you two. Your co-workers will appreciate your honesty and will appreciate getting it straight from the horse's mouth... and it's easier for them to deal with it in terms of changed interpersonal relationships at the office, possible conflicts of interest, etc.

Ron_Hodges: I met my wife while we were working on the same contract with a government agency, and we ended up working on the same project. We became best friends and gradually realized our relationship was becoming a lot deeper than that. We moved in together within a year and got married several years later (second marriage for both of us).
The key to any successful relationship is mutual respect and communication. The key to making it work in an office environment is to maintain the utmost in professional conduct at all times. If you do that, no one can make any criticism and you will avoid some potentially difficult situations. For me, the positives far outweigh any possible negatives. I would have to struggle to think of any negatives, to tell the truth.

Finally, we should never overlook the possibility that the office is not the best or only place to meet a colleague with whom romance (or at least a case of the red-hots) can blossom:

VinceJohns: The consensus seems to be that workplace relationships are likely to be DANGEROUS. However, the dynamics of a work environment often show one's personality in a very positive light. An attractive, and safer, alternative is volunteer organizations. You can shine (and meet other people who are also at their best) there, and if you must, you can leave the organization later without ruining your career.

Food for thought, VinceJohns. And despite all of my looming deadlines here at the 'Pod, I'm suddenly itching to be altruistic and join several volunteer groups. At least I think that's what that itch is...

Thanks for contributing — and, hey, be careful out there!

— Randy Williams, Work editor