by Joe Procopio Let's face it, softball is dead. It got killed by snowboarding and street luge. Its death is the legacy of the now-faded grunge movement that woke a whole X-Games-Do-or-Die spirit in the twenty-something working-class crowd. So as I'm lying in my bed on a perfectly good sunny day with my left leg bandaged from the knee down and my left ankle supported by an ACE bandage and propped up on some old college textbooks, I'm comforted by one thought: I have found my deathsport. Now, there's a certain juncture a person reaches somewhere between college and 30 during which they are driven by a combination of aging, desperation, and braggadocio to seek out a league sport and face certain doom on a weekly basis. I've studied this phenomenon on several occasions, trying to pinpoint the exact cry for help that precipitates this travesty. I know what you're thinking: What a grand life I must lead. But the condition is clinical and defined. There's an irresistible urge inside all of us to go out there, as adults, and find brand-new ways to hurt ourselves and others. That same grotesque thrill we get from showing off scars is magnified and then regulated. And, if we're lucky enough, it's sponsored by our company. The new wave of league sport has expanded into areas we haven't visited since we were kids, and it shows. Sure, you can still participate in your popular sports like basketball and volleyball, but those games are no longer the jovial little playground workouts they once were. These days, basketball is about owning the lane and playing above the rim. Volleyball means nasty spikes and gut-wrenching digs. And this is all fine. Until we realize that the people we've learned this from do it professionally. Not once a week. Their bodies can take it. So now it's cool to come in the day after league night with a good solid limp or a black eye. It shows that the determination you have on the field is the same you�ll have in the boardroom. It shows you haven't given up, haven't settled down, haven't, you know, thrown in the towel. My poison? Indoor soccer. The soccer boom of the late '70s has finally produced some adults who know how to play the game. Soccer is the fastest growing adult league sport in the country. But unlike basketball and volleyball, which are traditionally indoor sports, you can only play soccer four to eight months a year, depending on the climate where you live. So somebody came up with a bright idea. They took it indoors. With turf and walls. Ouch! NEXT >>