The very first time we consciously ceased contraception we achieved conception. It was a sort of spur of the moment decision. So much so that the next time, unaware that the zygote had formed, we were back to birth control. Weeks later we found out that the spur of the moment had fertilized the egg that led us into pregnancy that eventually brought us to parenthood.

Before the arrival of our newborn there was labor — seemingly even longer than the pregnancy itself. We headed to the hospital and were met there by my mom, who steered surprisingly clear of the delivery room. It was difficult for her to watch me labor. It is not that she is squeamish in anyway or otherwise uncomfortable with birth, having been through nine herself. What bothered her was the fact that I, her own daughter whom she had bore some 32 years prior, was in such agony. She could stand her own pain but had great difficulty in watching, and not being able to eliminate, mine. It was only when I resorted to the epidural that she could bear to be in the room.

Both my husband and I fell instantaneously in love with our infant. As she was laid upon my belly, we cried at her beauty and at our amazement at this little creature that was, from here on, our daughter. We alternately kissed her and each other as our girl breathed her first breath in our arms and we breathed our first breath as parents.

Over the next couple of days the magnitude of motherhood took hold. I found myself staring at her in her hospital bassinet, astounded that from here on I was hers and she was mine. I couldn't believe they were going to let me take her home and keep her as my own. Gazing at my girl I suddenly understood my mom's inability to watch my pain. I felt that whatever it took to protect and comfort my child, I would do. I suddenly felt remorseful for the pain I had inadvertently caused my mom over the years. She laughed later as I apologized for some of my more foolish antics of days past.

Our girl is now five months old and my love for her has grown to even more immense proportions. It is mind boggling to me that each morning I wake up and am more in love than I was when I lay down to sleep. Every other mother I see, I wonder if she feels the same. Sometimes, when we pass, we'll exchange a nod or a smile and with it the message that yes, we get it.

NEXT --> waiting for motherhood