LIVING & TRAVEL
"THAT CRAZY THING CALLED HITCHHIKING"
by emma taylor
It's hippy, it's Kerouac, and if you believe the hype, it's way too
dangerous for you. But then so is surfing the Web, and since when has
traveling been about following the rules? So if you've got the itch and
you're hitting the road (on foot) here are eleven hints to help you on your
way (ten hints would be way too mainstream).
1. Hitchhike if you want to travel; don't hitchhike if you want to arrive.
Frustration will soon set in if you're determined to reach Paris by sundown.
Take every ride you're offered, and see where you end up.
2. Women will always travel faster than men, and a lone man travels faster
than a gang of boys. Mixed couples travel faster than any other pair; this
is also a mutually beneficial arrangement. Life is not politically correct,
so get used to it. A woman should hitch with a man, and a man could use a
good looking woman to stick her thumb out. Pack a good pair of hiking boots
if you plan on taking more than one hitchhiking companion.
3. Try to hitch in a place convenient and safe for cars to pull over. Few
drivers will stop on a bend, or in a ditch. It is tempting to walk when
cars are few and far between, but bear in mind that cars doing 110 down the
Autobahn are unlikely to stop (besides which, it is illegal -- be sure to
check out local regulations). Accept that a driver's car is more precious
to him than Joe-hitchhiker, at least until you have met.
4. Always, always, always keep your sense of humor handy. In fact, if you
don't have one, take the train. If you're thumbing out of Idaho, try
holding a sign that says "Moscow." Or "Anywhere." A hitchhiker with a sense
of humor can pass long highway hours for the potential chauffeur, and a
smiling hitchhiker always appears less menacing. Save your grimace for the
rear view mirror -- you'll be seeing plenty. I've also heard that when
thumbing in England, the sign "Test your brakes" invariably catches some
sucker.
5. Keep your luggage to a minimum. You never know when a Harley will stop
for you. When a car stops, run to it. Drivers won't wait around all day.
6. Trust your instincts. If something tells you not to get in a car, don't
get in. And once in, if you feel unsafe, politely ask to be let out
(preferably not fifty miles into Death Valley). Talk to the drivers, even
if they don't understand you -- you have to pay your way somehow. And don't
forget to compliment whatever music they are playing, even if it is Barry
Manilow. Sing along if you can.
7. If you are a woman and insist on traveling alone, make sure you know
enough self defense to communicate confidence. Cars containing other women
or children are probably safer, but of course they are less likely to stop.
As one seasoned traveler advised me, if you hitchhike alone, for god's sake
go on the pill.
8. Always have a map handy -- when language fails, the point and smile
method often helps. Maps also give you an idea of how close to civilization
you are likely to be when night falls. If you don't make it that far, try
and hitch under a light, or at least wear something white.
9. It is almost impossible to get rides in and out of big cities, so be
prepared to spend a little money on trains and buses. Don't worry, it's not
cheating -- hitchhikers were never meant to inhale all those fumes.
10. Look like you mean it -- stand up and stick your thumb out. No one
likes a lazy hitchhiker. When it all gets too much, try reading something
like "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," to remind you why you are
there.
11. Don't forget to say thank you when you get out of a car, even if you
have endured five hours on the intricacies of Bulgarian folk dancing.
Remember, you have the international reputation of hitchhikers to uphold.
