Title: Sex Tips for Girls Author: Cynthia Heimel Year 1983 Publisher: Simon & Schuster Price: $7.95 US paperback Review by: Yvonne Jones Tripod Rating (out of four): 3.5 Amazon.com Bookstore: Get your Sex Tips here!

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Cynthia Heimel's Sex Tips for Girls is one of those books that's difficult to read anywhere but at home. The title alone tends to make strangers give you sly and appraising looks while friends mumble consoling things like, "Well, honey, you know you can always talk to me if you're having trouble..." The cover photo of the gorgeous gams in red stiletto heels and fishnet stockings doesn't help one keep a low reading profile either.

Though Sex Tips for Girls does have a few chapters and essays with titles like "Zen and the Art of Diaphragm Insertion" and "How to Cure A Broken Heart," I feel certain that Cynthia Heimel didn't write this as a sister to self-help books like, say, Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. Cynthia's books always get shelved in the humor section of the bookstore, which is where they belong.

Cynthia's my kind of gal, because her notion of "sex tips" is as broad as my own. She may tackle the perils of sexual obsession and how to perform good oral sex, but Cynthia also knows that I'm just as interested in the rock and roll diet and travel tips like "never pack easy-care fabrics or those pantyhose in little eggs." She's endearing, too: She lays out all her funky flaws, such as a penchant for hirsute, beer-bellied pseudo-cowboy Texans, and regrettable events like throwing her arms around the legs of a hastily departing lover (I'm not laughing at you Cynthia, I'm laughing with you). It's like having a friend roll her eyes at your drama queen antics, and then tickle you mercilessly to stop you from taking your break-up or your thunder thighs too seriously.

Every woman in the world, even one with utterly no chin, has within her the capacity to be blindingly beautiful, to look younger than she ever dreamed in her wildest dreams.

But there is but one simple rule you must follow: Never lead a sensible life.

The moment you decide that you're a grownup now, and therefore must put away foolish things like staying out all night or cruising down strange highways is the moment you will lose that ineffable glow of youth.

If you don't believe me, look around. Study those people who would rather go to shopping malls than dance halls, who think the height of depravity is bidding two no trump with only fifteen points. Every single one of these people has a stringy neck.

Show me a woman who is a prouder of her clean kitchen than her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.
(p. 167)

Where To Flirt

The best place for a beginner to learn to flirt is in Texas. Not only is the sky there awe inspiring, but you'll like Texans. Unlike most urban men, who get all perspiring and edgy when confronted with one of those newfangled "career" women who are successful and autonomous and adventuresome, the cowboy hitches up his belt, takes a swig of his beer, and stares at this new breed of woman.

She, of course, is regarding him nervously, wondering if she should have confessed to owning her own advertising agency and to also being a fairly well respected nuclear physicist.

"Well, how about that," the cowboy will say with his inevitable drawl. "I sure am impressed. I am awestruck. You are a real interestin' woman. Now come here."

It's very heartening.
(p. 35)

Cynthia Heimel has been writing for years, long before and after the 1983 publication of Sex Tips. I've followed her work through her weekly Village Voice articles, her Los Angeles phase when she was writing for shows like the Judd Hirsch vehicle "Dear John," and more recent books like Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Goodbye. I've even stuck with her through her anxiety over remarrying in her late forties (Cyn, you're in love, it's wonderful, get over it) and a bizarre, almost British, obsession with dogs. But Sex Tips for Girls remains definitive Cynthia Heimel for me, the book I will ask her to sign at readings, the one that I will have to replace in a few years because I've handled it once too often. I was fourteen when this book was published, when sex tips for me were something to be mentally shelved for future use. At the advanced age of 26, I have grown into this book, and geek girl that I am, will probably be turning to the page on asking men out when I'm 37. (Lesbian and bisexual girls should know that while Cynthia knows you're out there, she's clearly written this book with her suffering hetero sisters in mind.) Sex Tips for Girls is for girls trying not to take sex, boys or themselves so damned seriously.

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