12/10-12/16: In Search of the G Key

The G spot is ever-elusive, but the G key's right there, snug between F and H. Isn't it tempting? Cyber-sex, that is. Or cyber-dating. Or even just a little cyber-flirting. Have you ever? Would you ever? How was it for you?

A certain book is making millions selling advice about "The Rules" of dating, but it recommends dumping a guy if he gives you a computer on your birthday. It's not romantic, you see. But what if the computer is the means to the relationship? Suggest some "Rules" for online love birds.

Here's what Tripod members had to say:

EmeraldCastle: Wow! The first to respond...and on a subject I could go on forever about. Cyber-dating...what a concept, or not? Well if you're looking for Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Right I don't think it's going to happen. I've experienced it myself and gave my heart and soul only to be pushed into a wishing well that was full of empty wishes. Not only did I try it once, but twice, and three times...it's not my choice of meeting someone to date. Currently someone I met is in basic training and we write letters but his last letter was a bit cold...the big KISS OFF!!! Wouldn't you know it...someone who I told things to...someone who knows where I live... someone who touched my soul and now...an empty wish. I don't think I will ever give of my heart and soul so freely now. I don't even want to go into another chat room again...I'd rather re-join the real world and find Mr. Right there. If he even exists...

Tameco: I don't know about this cyber-dating. I think it's ok to meet people. But I like working with the real thing -- at least you know what you are getting. It just doesn't work for me.

rubberneck: I really don't like the idea of cyber-dating. You never know who (or what) you're dealing with. You may think that you're talking to a young, slim, beautiful, 16 year old girl -- when in reality, you're talking to some 300 pound, sweaty, 40 year old pervert. Now that's what I call violation, not to mention extremely sick...

szaz: Emerald castle's point is exactly right. You may meet and begin to love what you see as this perfect person, but you're seeing only one side of that person. Having only seen any person met over the net, you can only see the image they present there. This leaves you very vulnerable. Obviously. I've been in a relationship over the net, messed one up, and been screwed on another. And It's not a good idea.

gozone: I am trying the cyber thing right now...We are aware of the distance thing..I get different advice...long distance relationships don't work or love has no boundaries... I really hate it when he talks to other women in the chatroom..it's like he doesn't even care that I am there..

labrdog: I think the concept is great so long as you don't take it seriously. Only in the computer world can you be anything, do anything and say "almost" anything without fear of reality jumping up and punching you in the nose.

Afzarl: CYBER RULES:

Once upon a time there was this confused overlord of the Earth named Cyber.

In his exuberance he gave his people the FREEDOM to do anything and establish a culture that would be befitting to an intelligent race of HUMANS ???? The sheer magnitude of possibilities opened up by this unrestricted freedom found the humans acting on the basic principle of survival of the fittest. Freedom, then began being curtailed on the basis of ...Access, Age, Area, ... (Alphabetically) and all the purveyors of curtailment made profit ... by charging for organizing curtailment...

The confused overlord then came to the conclusion that freedom was ideal IF and ONLY if it could be established that each and every human utilises his freedom to his maximum advantage PROVIDED that it does not encroach on any one elses FREEDOM.

For example -- my freedom of swinging my hands, in gay abandon, should be controlled and curtailed by me, 3 feet away from anybody else's face ...in order that I do not encroach on their freedom(s) ...

So the ability for one to take the responsibility of one's actions in TRUTH, blessing or sin, should be the RULES established by CYBER- RULE MAKERS -- not only in the very Human pastime of dating and sex........

I will come back to this and seek CYBERKNOWLEDGE of the CYBERRULES with respect to CYBERDATING, CYBERSEX, CYBERNONSENSE and CYBERDISCUSSION in the near future.......

THE RULES ??

Who is going to establish them and on what basis ?? If that could be identified, we would probably find -- like the different cultures ... each group establishing their own perimeters and by common consent accepting those who abide by them.

To a large extent the perimeters are already being defined but the area is so very large and mind boggling ... that in the near future it is going to be survival of the fittest of ......

So for all who are experimenting with the aspect of CYBER -- Romance, Sex, Friendship ..... time and knowledge ( of new web sites ??? ) will probably sort them into the category of CYBER Truth , Blessing or Sin of their own making.

MCorlett: I don't think it is possible...How can you cyber with someone whose profile turns you on??? I tend to look a little deeper than a few lines of information!

SR100: Meeting people through the internet is fine just as long as it's not taken seriously. I have met several people over the net; some who I admire and respect; some who I dislike and will not meet with again. Everything is relative as long as you take it at face value. Don't have high expectations disappointed. ie. don't expect to meet prince charming or sleeping beauty, because you won't. What you will do is meet a lot of interesting people who you would probably never meet otherwise.

formicacid: Interesting points people bring up, most notably the repeated conclusion that you must be aware of what you are dealing with, that you never know for sure if the person is presenting themsleves honestly. But isn't this true in the physical world as well?

RonnaW: OK...I guess I consider my case one of the few exceptions to the rule. I have been "chatting" for over a year now. Last Christmas I "met" a man and we became friends, then cyber romance started, and we felt we were "in love"...well, he came to visit this past summer -- spent two wonderful weeks together -- and we realized that it was absolutely real and that we are supposed to be together...soooo, yes, we are engaged! He is moving cross country to where I am -- this month!! I know that there are many risks in cyber world, many games are played and many many many people get hurt...it's happened to a lot of my friends. I had other cyber relationships before committing totally to this one man, and yes a couple of those ended with me being hurt, but my now fiance is absolutely wonderful, and once we met and became "real" our relationship left cyber land and gets more grounded every day.

tallen: Does seeing the person for 2 hours then building a relationship purely through email count? Santa Fe to Austin is the distance... the intensity and growth of our relationship is overwhelming and everyday I sprint to my computer anxious to see what awaits me... yet, who wants to be a sucker? There is something about feeling that person's breath on your skin, instead of just reading about it... there is no answer; it is just the strength and guts of the individual person -- do it, if you are strong enough to follow a quasi-blind relationship.

Inferno1: Don't take it too seriously. Chatting with someone in a chat room and going out on a date with them are two ENTIRELY different things. If you get serious, then you are just begging, pleading, hoping, and wishing to be hurt. First of all, when you meet people on-line, they can lie their butts off, and you would never know, especially if they have their lies all straight. People especially lie about their appearance. You might say "Let me see a picture of you". They can use ANY picture that they want. So that doesn't prove anything. There is only one real way to be sure that the person you are typing to is if you meet the person (which could turn out to be a huge disappointment) or talk to the people who know that person. Bottom line: it's not the best way to snag a love interest.

P.S. In response to people who feel like they are being cheated on when someone they were chatting to talks to others in the room . . . .it's called a CHAT room. Everybody's there to chat. So don't feel bad.

CyberJam: Cyber Dating is for people who can't get a real date. Try a real relationship before do the cyber-thing. If that doesn't work, then protect your modem.

xiola: It's not really like normal life because most people on computers aren't like the rest of us. Unless you're on AOL, you're going to run into a high degree of dysfunction -- or quirkiness. The cup is half full and half empty, but just be aware that like role playing games, this kind of thing attracts lots of psychos. But that's probably why you're into it too!