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Knee Slappers and Guffaws from 9/27/96 Guffaws of the Week TyShadowWolf: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? A: Halfway jamie: Question: What do you get when you cross a mafioso and a deconstructionist? Answer: Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand. mattcorona: did ya hear... LORENA BOBBITT died in a car crash?.... yeah... some dick cut her off. Knee Slappers of the Week 9/27/96 machineman: A 93-year-old Jewish man goes to Confession. He tells the priest, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. I have made love to three beautiful young women in the last month." The priest says, "Wait a minute. You're Jewish. Confession is for Catholics. Why are you telling me this?" The old man says, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!" PeachCan: Two guys, Jimmy and Johnny were standing at heaven's gate waiting to be interviewed to see if they got into heaven.Jimmy asked Johnny how he got here and Johnny told him he had hypothermia. Jimmy told Johnny that he was sure his wife was cheating on him so he went home early from work. He searched the whole house, but didn't find anybody. Johnny said Oh, if you checked the walk-in freezer we'd both be alive. afish: The client walked into the lawyers office to pay his legal bill. He owed the lawyer $1000. He pulled out a new $1000 bill and placed on the lawyers desk. The lawyer thanked him and gave him a receipt. After the client had gone, the lawyer picked up the $1000 bill to give it to the secretary to put with the bank deposit. Well there were '2', $1000 bills stuck together. Now the lawyer is faced with an ethical problem. What would that ethical problem be? Well naturally it's weather or not to tell his partner. lbadge: In the movie the Island of Dr. Moreau I hear that Marlon Brando actually plays the part of the island. AlexPace: One day a dog walked into a bank. He walked up to one of the tellers. "Hello,I am Mr. Pattywack. How can I help you?" The teller said. "I would like a loan."the dog said. "Do you have any collateral?"asked Mr. Pattywack. "Uh..I'll be right back," said the dog. The Dog returned holding a nicknack. "I don't know what this is; I'll check with the boss," Mr. Pattywack said. So Mr. Pattywack went to the boss and asked,"Boss, this dog wants a loan and his collateral is this little thing. What is it?" So the boss replied,"That's a nicknack,Pattywack now give that dog a loan." OlyBear: The Borg assimilated me and all I got was a stupid T-shirt!!! DeathInPlaid: Two nuns walk into a bar. The third one ducked. CashU: My neighbor is really swell, but a little slow: Our house was on fire, and he came running over and asked what he could do to help; I yelled, "Call the fire Department!"; Toivo ran over to his house, called the fire Department, they answered, and he yells, "Hey!, My neighbors house is on Fire, get here Quick!": After a short pause, the voice at the fire department says; "How do we get there ?" Toivo YELLS: "With that Big Red Truck, like you always do !!!"