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Joshuak: Q) Why did the woman cross the road? Daedalus: Did you hear about the plastic surgeon that hung himself? ADawg: There was this drunk guy at a bar and he walked up to the bartender and said "Hey, I'll bet you twenty bucks I can piss in that shot glass over there." The shot glass was ten feet away. The bartender thought that it would be an easy twenty bucks, so he agreed. The guy proceeded to pee, and he peed on everything except the shot glass. He even peed on the bartender. He payed the guy his money and went back to his table. About an hour later, he walked past the bar with a huge grin on his face. The bartender said "Why are you so happy? You're out twenty bucks." The drunk said,"Yeah, but I bet the guys I was with fifty bucks apiece that I could pee all over you
Bill_Yellin: Reporter: So, Senator Dole, which is it:
boxers or briefs?
amie: Did you know that Pat Buchanan's father died in a Nazi concentration camp? He fell out of a watchtower. Gadj: A young man goes to the dealership and buys a new car. As he drives home, he stops at a red light. An old man in his eighties pulls up beside him on a Moped. The old man looks over and says, "Nice car, Sonny." The young guy says "Yes, it's a Lamborghini, and I just paid $500,000 for it. The old man asks, "Why?" The young man answers, "Because it goes from zero to 300 miles an hour in thirty seconds." Old man asks "Could I look in it?" and the owner responds "help yourself!" The old gent scans the interior and sits back down on his bike. About this time, the light changes to green and the Lamborghini is off in a cloud of smoke. As it reaches 300 mph, the owner looks in his rear view mirror and sees a black dot coming up behind him. As it passes him he recognizes the old man on the Moped. He floorboards his car and zooms by the old guy again. He wonders what is in this Moped that makes it so fast and he slams on his brakes and comes to a stop! The old man and the moped runs smack dab into the back of him. The driver jumps out and runs to the rear of his car and looking down at the poor old guy in a heap by his bumper, says, "I'm sorry old man. Is there something that can I do for you?'' The old guy looks up at him and says "Yes Sonny, do you think you could unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror?" Susie_: Hear about the guy who went to the doctor's office with his pregnant wife? The doctor said he had a new machine that would allow the father to feel all the pain and discomfort instead of the wife. He decided to try it. He felt no pain and asked for it to be turned up. This went on for several minutes. The husband felt really good when they got ready to leave, NO PAIN at all. When they got home however, they found the milkman dead. PamWhite: A blonde bought a jigsaw puzzle and proudly announced to everyone that it only took her 8 months to finish it. Finally someone asked her why she was bragging that it took her eight months. She said, "Well, the box said three to five years." Kiefer: A man owned a parrot who said only one phrase: "Hi, my name is Suzy, I like to party naked." So he asked the priest if he could have Suzy spend time with his two parrots, who prayed the rosary daily. the priest agreed. so Suzy was placed in the cage with the two praying parrots, and immediately said "Hi, my name is Suzy, I like to party naked." And one of the praying parrots said to the other,"Hal, throw the rosary away, our prayers have been answered!" Diamonds: Q. Why shouldn't you kiss a bird? A. Because you could get chirpies, an untweetable canarial disease. suewatkins: St. Peter was checking the gate between Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. He walked over to the pit and called to the devil. The devil swaggers up out of the pit and says, "Yo man, whatta ya want." St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it." The devil retorted, "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have anyone to spare for the job right now." St. Peter got angry. "Look we have an agreement, and it's your turn to fix the gate." The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and there just isn't anyone available for this." St. Peter turned red and exclaimed, "Ok, if that's the way you want it, we'll sue." A big grin broke out on the devil's face. "Oh ya, and just where are you going to find a lawyer?"
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