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MellyPooh: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mining shaft? PassMeNot: Matt and his secretary are having an affair. They decide to leave the office early one day and go to the secretary's apartment for an afternoon of lovemaking. They fall asleep and don't wake up until 8PM later that night. They quickly get dressed and the man asks his secretary to take his shoes and go rub them in the grass. The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway. The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door. The wife is very upset and asks him where he has been. The husband replies, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. We left work early today, went to her place, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That's why I'm late!" The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains all over your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you!" cpi: Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a salted. cybergal1: Three men were waiting patiently at the pearly gates when St. Peter finally came back from his break. He asked the first man what his occupation had been on earth. The man proudly announced he was a teamster. St. Peter said, "Welcome my good man. Stay as long as you like." He asked the second man the same question. The man replied that he was a doctor. "Welcome my good man," said St. Peter. "Stay as long as you like." The same question was given to the third man, who answered that he was President of an HMO Health Care Center. "Welcome," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay three days." kitii_kaht: Two brothers loved to play baseball. They were on the best team in the area and they wondered if people played baseball in heaven. They agreed that the first person to get to heaven had to come back and tell the other if there was or wasn't baseball there. One day one of the brothers died from a heart attack. The other one eagerly waited for him to return. Finally, he did and told the brother this:
DeadBro - "Well, there's some good news and some bad news.." smokedogg: One day a robber broke into a house and kept hearing a voice say, "Jesus is watching you". He kept hearing this voice until finally he decided to go check it out. In the next room he found it was a parrot saying it. He said, "Hi, what's your name little parrot?" The parrot said, "Guido." Then the robber said, "What kind of idiot would name a parrot Guido?" Then the parrot replied, "The same idiot that named a pit bull Jesus!" walterh: One day a lion was in the jungle and was very hungry. He had not eaten for over a week. He saw a large bull at the watering hole. The lion carefully sneaked up on the bull and killed him. He was so hungry that he ate the whole thing. Afterward the lion was so pleased with himself that he rolled in the grass and growled loudly. A hunter heard this noise and shot and killed the lion. The moral of this story is: keep your mouth shut when you are full of bull. Suzzie: A man was walking past the graveyard, when he came upon the tombstone of a hypochondriac. On it was written, "I TOLD you I was sick!"
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