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Knee Slappers and Guffaws from 11/22/96 Guffaws of the Week 11/22/96 wjhyman: What do you get when you cross a dirty politician and a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton Melissa_B: Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease? A: Because men are pigs! cooldan: There was a Jewish boy who went to a public school. One day the principal called his parents and told them that the boy was behaving so badly that he couldn't go to public school anymore, and that he would have to go to a private school. Next, the parents took the boy to a Jewish school, but he was still behaving badly. Finally, they sent him to a Catholic school. They waited and waited for the principal to call but he didn't. The parents called the principal and asked if their son is behaving well in school, and the principal said he was doing fine. The parents asked the boy why he did so badly in the other schools but not this one. The boy said, "When I saw the man nailed to the wall, I knew they meant business." Knee Slappers of the Week 11/22/96 MWhiteman: What do you say to a Biker in a three piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise..." jacie: These two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?" Claxon: Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the B.P. Station. NoZZzzz: What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle? Beef strokin-off. Dan_B: What do you call an Amish man with his arm up a horse's rear? A mechanic. DMcArthur: Q: Why did the Scotsman fall off the cliff? He couldn't make the ewe-turn. sargon11: A cop stops a guy for speeding. Smiling, he gets out of his cop car and says to the guy, "Heh, heh, I've been waitin' for you all morning. " The guy says, "Well I got here as fast as I could." TaeKyu: Recently the Pope decided that he could save some expenses at the Vatican by learning how to drive himself. That way they would not need to pay for a driver everywhere he went. The following month, there were two motorcycle police in Washington, D.C., who were on traffic patrol when they saw a white limousine blasting down the expressway. The younger wanted to catch the speeder, but the older one said, "Forget it. It's probably some big shot politician who will just get the ticket fixed." Not to be discouraged, the younger gave chase. He returned a short time later, rather more quiet then when he had left. "Well, did you write the citation?" asked the other officer. "No." Was he some big shot, like I told you?" "Yeah. I think he was." "I'll bet he was some Senator or something. Right?" "I, uh, don't think so. I think he was bigger than that." "You telling me that was the Vice President?" "No, I, uh, he was bigger than that." "Don't tell me you stopped the President!" "No. I think he was a lot bigger than that!" "Just who do you think is bigger than the President?" "Well," replied the younger, "I couldn't see who was in the back seat, but he had the Pope driving for him!" antiyaya: Three ladies walked into a bar: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. They sat down and placed their drink orders. Bartender: What will you have, miss ? Brunette: I will have a m.l. Bartender: What is an m.l., miss ? Brunette: A Mich lite, duh ! Bartender: What will you have, miss ? Redhead: I will have a c.l. Bartender: What is a c.l., miss ? Redhead: A Coors lite, duh ! Bartender: What you have, miss ? Blond: I can't remember what I want. Oh darnit! Oh I know! I want a fifteen. Bartender: Miss, I have been in the business for twenty years and I have never heard of a fifteen. What is it? Blond : A seven and seven, duh !!! jhinson: Q. What kind of bee gives milk? A. A BOO bee.