Homepages of the Hopefuls:
Dick Lugar
Morry Taylor
Robert Dornan
Steve Forbes
Alan Keyes
Pat Buchanan

1996 Presidential Candidates:
Links to homepages of all presidential candidates, from the big-names to the no-names.

It Only Takes Two Forms
PoliticsUSA has compiled a list of all the "true unknowns" who have completed the two forms required to become a presidential candidate. So many choices -- what a country!

A Shot From the Long Shot
Read a Tripod interview with bartender/presidential hopeful Russell Hirshon. Somehow, the budget deficit doesn't look so bad after a few martinis.

Why do hopeless candidates run for president? In every election year, a cadre of unknowns and unfits spend millions on fatiguing campaigns with little support, giving endless speeches about what they would do in a job everyone -- themselves usually included -- knows they have almost zero chance of holding. They might get some attention from the press and even appear at debates with the first-stringers. But mostly, these long shots linger dismally at the bottom of the polls as curiosities. Their eventual exit is inevitable, a matter of when the money dries up -- usually after early primary votes have anointed the real contenders. Of course, the idea that any kid can grow up to be president is part of the American Dream. But our bizarre and phenomenally difficult process of choosing a leader makes it hard for all but a few to have a chance.

This year's race for the Republican nomination is particularly unsuspenseful (Bill Clinton has no significant opposition). Among the real contenders, Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole of Kansas is the man to beat, although millionaire Steve Forbes is making a run. Senator Phil Gramm of Texas and former Tennessee Governor Lamar Alexander also have real, if quickly fading, chances at the GOP nomination. But what of the Dick Lugars and Morry Taylors? Let's consider the likely motivations of this year's long-shots by grouping them in three highly speculative categories of presidential unlikelies:

THE DREAMERS: Bill Clinton, you'll recall, started out as a total nobody. Against all odds, some long-shots cling to hope. Mostly they pray for lucky breaks -- a titanic gaffe or similar other act of spontaneous combustion by the front-runners that prompts the press and public to reconsider the rest of the pack (can you say Donna Rice?). They may also genuinely feel that they have a strong enough message to make up for their low profile. A surprisingly strong showing in an early primary can deliver an aura of momentum to a back-of-the-pack candidate, and there are few things the media likes better than the dramatic story of a suddenly rising underdog.

Indiana Senator Richard Lugar, who after Bob Dole is probably the most qualified candidate in the GOP race, falls in this category. Lugar, 63, is the chairman of the Senate Agriculture Committee. He favors scrapping the income tax in favor of a consumption tax. Lugar particularly distinguished himself as chairman of the Senate Foreign Affairs Committee, and is the co-architect of a much-praised bipartisan plan to help dismantle nuclear weapons in the former Soviet Union. But he is a bland and humorless man, and so far, he has utterly failed to energize a following. Still, he has the respect of reporters, who appreciate his seriousness and sophisticated understanding of policy, and who would likely give him fawning press if he could somehow make a move. However, unless Dole falls ill or is caught in bed with a Senate page, that's not likely to happen.

Another Dreamer candidate is millionaire businessman Morry Taylor, who likes to call himself "the Griz". Taylor has no political experience, no law degree, little skill at public speaking -- all of which he says makes him the most qualified candidate. Like Ross Perot in 1992, Taylor is running as an "outsider" who will apply his no-nonsense business acumen to fix the federal government. He says he may spend up to $15 million of his personal fortune on the campaign. Like Perot, he is primarily concerned with jobs and the deficit, and like Perot his quick-fix ideas are bad ones. He proposes the impossible feat of balancing the budget in 18 months, and suggests it can be done in part by firing one million federal workers. Taylor does not even have a victory scenario as unlikely as Lugar. But judging from his starry-eyed Midwestern patriotism, one suspects that Taylor falls into the romanticized "every kid can grow up to be President" (as long as he has 40 million bucks) subcategory of Dreamers.

THE POSITIONERS: These candidates see running for president as a way to boost their public image for later gain. Because a presidential bid is the ultimate act of self-promotion, this category includes basically everyone. Morry Taylor, for instance, might see a boom in business at his tire-and-wheel company as a result of running -- his candidacy may turn out to be a massive advertising campaign for Titan Wheel International. But the logic seems to apply particularly well to Lugar again. He is a serious statesman but not one well-known to the public. However, even if his campaign flops, he will perhaps have raised his image enough to land a cabinet post in a Dole administration, perhaps as Secretary of State.

California Congressman Robert Dornan also fits this mold. A hard-core right-winger and a rabid patriot, Dornan has essentially conceded he has no chance, and admits he has little money left. But with his fiery rhetoric and willingness to personally attack Bill Clinton, Dornan has made himself one of the better-known Congressmen in America. Many voters like his passionate support of the military, particularly the B-1 bomber, for which he is nicknamed "B-1 Bob". And while he enjoys free media time on news reports and in Republican candidate debates, he has never been more than a blip in the polls. It seems likely that Dornan is running more to please his constituency in the forty-sixth district of California, and perhaps a wider audience: While he may not run for re-election to his House seat, Dornan is a former TV talk show host who sometimes fills in for Rush Limbaugh. Should he choose to do so, his national profile as a leading conservative voice would make it easy for him to return to his old career.

THE CRUSADERS: These candidates make little pretense that they have a chance at winning. They claim to be running to advance ideas rather than themselves, to shift the debate and force their opponents to respond to their positions. This is what Steve Forbes claimed to be doing when he joined the race. Forbes, who inherited his father's multi-million dollar publishing empire, said he entered the race to promote the idea of a "flat tax," under which virtually all Americans would pay the same tax rate. But his candidacy has built up surprising momentum, and Forbes now seems a real threat to Dole.

Conservative commentator Patrick Buchanan, the former "Crossfire" host who gave George Bush a scare in the 1992 New Hampshire primary, is a Crusader. Buchanan entered the 1992 race because he and other hard conservatives in the party felt that Bush was too moderate, and either needed to be forced to the right or replaced altogether. Once again, Buchanan is running on a platform of strict social values, including adamant opposition to abortion, joined by his brand of economic protectionism and pro-worker populism. Buchanan certainly has a core group of supporters, and it's not entirely impossible to imagine a scenario in which he wins the GOP nomination. But because his extreme rhetoric scares off many people, he has no hope of winning a general election.

Former talk-show host, Ambassador and Senatorial candidate Alan Keyes is the ultimate crusader. Because he is a rare black Republican candidate, he has attracted some extra notice. But Keyes is consistently at the bottom of the polls, and he knows that his candidacy is futile. But the 1996 campaign has allowed Keyes to apply his vigorous oratory to the family values issues that he feels are tearing America apart. In every speech Keyes makes, he attacks the breakdown of the traditional two-parent family as the fundamental problem at the heart of America's domestic problems, and saves his most explosive rhetoric for his insistence on an end to abortion. Keyes' supporters know as well as he that he'll never sit in the White House. But they are passionate about their message, and in the tradition of the Crusader, believe that a presidential campaign is the best way to spread it.