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Jason Patrikios, Ad Production Designer:

I suppose that it's my turn to write a Letter from Tripod. I figured that I would have to do it at some point and now is my time. I started this damn thing about nine bazillion times but to no avail. I had all these possible ideas about what to write, but none of them were worth an entire essay. Here they are, and yes, they keep me up at night. Nothing is cohesive, but whatever.

Williamstown is good because: car insurance is way cheap, there is no crime, and the people are friendly enough.

Williamstown is bad because: there is no ethnic food, there's nothing to do, I am getting cabin fever due to a long winter, and nothing ever happens here unless it's summer. There is no ethnic food. Wait, did I already say that one? The so-called hummus from everywhere on Spring Street has been making me sick to my stomach. Really. Avoid it.

Here's something... I was just a random guy when I was unemployed, and now that I have an Internet job, I'm a slacker/Gen-X/loser kinda kid. I'm not a Gen-X kid just because I have multiple piercings, a Jetta, and credit card debt. Really. I'm really not a slacker either. Anyway, I thought that the age cut-off age was like 25 or so. Whatever. I'm still the same damn kid. Why can't they just love me for me? Sob sob.

Kenneth Starr will go down as history's greatest annoyance.

Here's something else... the people at Stop and Shop got these rad new long-sleeve green knit shirts. I want one but don't really want to ask how I could go about getting them. I fear that the only answer would be, "Apply for a part-time deli job." Thanks anyway.

I thought that Wal-Mart was the most depressing place in the world, until I got bored and walked into a Hill's store while I was killing time in the Berkshire Mall, about 25 minutes south of Billsville in Lanesboro. The lights in there are so bad that they make the shitty florescent lights we have at work seem like those nice warm tungsten things that those seasonal depression kids have.

Why I love the Fox Network — I enjoy watching other people's misfortune and I love 90210.

However, Ally McBeal is a bad show. Really bad. Not funny. Not clever, just bad. Though Fox was brilliant in putting it up against Monday Night Football. So smart. Brilliant. It's still bad.

Party of Five is lame. I wish that they would all get cancer and die so that damn show could be cancelled and Fox could put on another "when cars attack" special. I love that shit. I bet that Party of Five has more consecutive weeks with tears being shed than any other show on television. Unless those faith healer shows count. No, they don't.

I thought that Party of Five was the worst show on television, but it seems that they are going to be keeping that other lame show on — you know the one, I don't remember the name of it. Wait a sec... duh. Oh, it's Significant Others, and it's really bad. Kids on the verge of tears. For a whole hour. And no one died. Lame. It's so bad. My friend Ron likes it, but it's not good. Ron likes those Party of Five type cry-a-thons. Lame. Ron does this good zine called Muddle. Check it out.

Anyway, now you know why I can't sleep at night. This Letter from Tripod was another reason. It was a deadline and it was one that I was scared of because I had absolutely no idea what this damn thing should be about; I still don't.

Love,
Jay, Sleepless (due to nightmares) in Williamstown (3/27/98)

P.S. I never saw Sleepless in Seattle because Meg Ryan is annoying. Is she still married to Dennis Quaid, the poor man's Kevin Costner? Now Costner, he's another winner. I'm sure that The Postman was a great piece of cinema, and if I could find the two people in America who saw it, I would be able to confirm it. Hey Kev, I hope you aren't spending your own money. Though you probably are, as I can't see any studio in Hollywood sponsoring your crappy movies. Two words for you: try India.

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Read more "Letters from Tripod" in the archive.

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