Application to Live in Vermont
(Flatlanders Need Not Apply)

Name:__________________________

Nickname:_______________________ C.B. Handle:_________________

Address (R.F.D. -HCR): ___________________________________________________

Daddy (If unknown attach list of three suspects): _______________ Mama:___________

Truck Color: ____ Light Red ____ Medium Red ____ Dark Red

Number Of Teeth Exposed In: Full Grin _______ Upper_______ Lower________

Make Of Pickup Owned: ______________ Size Of Tires:________________

Number Of Empty Beer Cans On Floor Of Pickup: ________

Truck Equipped With:

___Gun Rack ___Mud Flaps ___Camper Top ___Air Horn ___Hood Mounted Bug Squasher (with nickname)

___8-track ___4-Wheel Drive ___American Flag ___Rust

___Fuzz buster ___Load of Wood ___Hijack Shocks ___Mud Tires

___Spittoon ___Running Board ___C.B. Antennas ___Roll Bar

Bumper Stickers:

___Wave If Your Horny ___Almost Heaven, Goshen VT ___Where The Hell Is Irasburg

___I Ain't No Flatlander ___Redman Chewing Tobacco ___Olde Fart

___Save The Black Fly

Favorite Beverage:

___Genesse ___Black Label ___Genesee Cream Ale ___Molson

___Moosehead ___Budweiser ___Schnapps ___St. Johnsbury Tap Water

Favorite Vocalist:

___Elvis ___Conway Twitty ___Loretta Lynn ___Mike Leddick

___Slim Whitman ___Hank Soto ___Willie Nelson ___Johnny Cash

___George Jones

Favorite Recreation:

___Square Dancin' ___Coon Huntin' ___Fish' with LIVE BAIT

___Drankin ___Drankin ___Drankin

___Blue Grass Fest ___Jackin ___Get'n Drunk

Favorite T-shirt:

___Welcome to the Green Mountains, Now Go Home

___Thank God For Black Flies And Long Winters

Favorite Weapon:

___Tire Iron ___Pick Handle ___Log Chain ___.22 ___Dble Brl Shotgun

Number of Hounds: ___

Type: ___Blue Tick ___Beagle ___Black & Tan

Cap Emblem:

___John Deere ___Stihl ___Skoal ___Genesse ___GORE

___CAT ____Budweiser ___Whiteface ___Blue Seal Feeds

Memberships:

___NRA ___VFW ___PTL ___Ducks Unlimited ___Vol. Fire Dept.

___Fish & Game Club ___John Birch Society ___Snow Mobile Club

How many cars do you have up on blocks in your front yard? _____

How many kitchen appliances can you keep on your front porch? (working or not) ____

When was your last Elvis Sighting? __/__/__

Do you wear mostly polyester pants with snags? ______

Do you own any shoes (not counting boots)? ____ How many? ____

Are you (or have you ever) been married to any of the following:

____ Sister ___ Cousin ___Cousin's Sister ___ Hoofed Animal ___ Job

Can you sign your name and spell it right every time? _____

Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend? _____

Can you count: ___Past 10 with your shoes on ___Past 21 with your fly up

Have you ever had more than one bath in a week? ____ Month ____

Medical Information:

Length Of Right Leg________ Length Of Left Leg_________

Do you have at least 2 of the following:

___ B.O. ___ Bad Breath ___ Buck Fever ___ Greasies

___ Yellow Teeth ___ Hang Over ___ Tattoos ___ Cross Eyes

___ Stutter ___ Work Phobia

YOUR SIGNATURE (One X will do): _______________________________ Date: __/__/__

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Read more "Letters from Tripod" in the archive.

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