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Allison Anders is a filmmaker and writer. Her films are Border Radio (co-directed with Kurt Voss and Dean Lent, 1989), Gas Food Lodging (1992), Mi Vida Loca (1994), Four Rooms (co-directed with Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriquez, and Alex Rockwell, 1995) and Grace of My Heart (1996). One of her short stories was just published in the compilation book Unnatural Disasters (Incommunicado). Allison was also awarded the MacArthur Fellowship, otherwise known as the "genius grant," in 1995. She has three kids, Tiffany, Devon, and Ruben. I met with Allison recently in L.A.
Sarah Jacobson: What advice do you have for a first-time mom?
Allison Anders: First of all decide on the type of birth experience you want to have and don't settle for less than what you want. Don't be intimidated by doctors. You only get this experience once with that particular child and it is your experience.
SJ: What birthing method did you choose?
AA: I had both of my kids with no drugs — one in the hospital and one at home with midwives. I know drugs are very in nowadays, but you miss most of the rush of having a baby if your pussy is numbed out with drugs.
SJ: Were you nervous about having your second kid at home?
AA: No. I was very, very sure of what I wanted. I would do it that way again, too.
SJ: Did it hurt? Where you scared?
AA: Yeah, childbirth hurts but it is pain which is liveable, and so worth it for the experience. There is nothing like feeling that baby push out of you — it's pure LSD, nirvana godhead wild.
SJ: What was the biggest surprise about being pregnant?
AA: I was amazed how different each kid was, even in the womb. The biggest shock is that your kid is born with a lot of his or her character. And in my kids' cases, already with a path in mind. Tiffany and I had a very intense bonding, staring into each other's eyes for hours. She was always, from day one, trying to communicate with her mouth wide open, making sounds to me. She also developed a special cry for me to crank music very loud. She didn't care for dolls. She had them but used them as an audience and she'd sing to them. And fittingly, she became a musician. Devon was born at home, looked around and went to sleep. She was easy-going, laughed out loud at three weeks. She was also very people oriented and loved her dolls, she nurtured them so much. And now she works with children. So you want to tune into your kids early, see what talents and tendencies they show — let them lead you to where they need to go. My son Ruben, who is adopted, has already shown incredible skills with sports and also with math and science. He's a real over-achiever — he could truly become anything he wants to be.
SJ: Can you tell me the story of your son's adoption?
AA: His mother, Nica Rogers, was a member of the Echo Park gang I used in Mi Vida Loca. And shortly after we finished shooting, Nica died of a drug overdose at 19, leaving behind her two-and-a-half-year-old son. So there was no safe place for Ruben to go and her homegirls asked me if I could take him. I was already done raising kids I thought, but you just never know what's in store for you.
SJ: How did your daughters react to him coming home with you?
AA: They adored him, they were totally into it. They knew him already from the film and dug him — his mother was very charismatic. She always left an impression and so did her young son. It's weird to think he was ever a stranger in our home.
SJ: You seem so close with all your kids.
AA: Yeah very close, I hope.
SJ: Was that a hard thing to build with your children?
AA: No, not as long as you're honest. I tell my kids what my faults are, I don't try to be everything.
SJ: What habits did you have to change when you were pregnant?
AA: Well, I gave up smoking, drugs, and booze, even coffee during my pregnancies. Women who abuse drugs during pregnancy should be prosecuted because the baby has no choice but to absorb your fucking bad habits and end up fucked up as a result. But after my pregnancies, I was still drinking and living the same lifestyle. The drinking changed when I woke up out of a black-out and couldn't remember where the kids were. That was my wake-up call that maybe I shouldn't drink anymore. That was 11 years ago.
SJ: What about psychologically? Did you feel differently as a woman?
AA: Yeah. I think having a baby changes you for sure. For one thing, the love is so unconditional. And there is some amazing feeling of pride that you made this little person, or even if you didn't make him — as in my son's case — kids always challenge your limited ideas of yourself.
SJ: Were you able to nurse your daughters?
AA: Yeah — not for very long though. I nursed Tiffany for four months and Devon only for a month. I had some problems nursing Devon. I think women nurse too long nowadays, it gets incestuous.
SJ: How long do you think a mother should nurse?
AA: Once the kid can chew food she should be off the tit. And she sure as hell should be off the tit by the time she can read a bedtime story. You'd be surprised how many moms keep them on the nipple past that time. I also don't believe in kids sharing the bed with you and your partner. I mean for the first month, okay, but after that they should have their own bed. And it is also Women's Zoneong to use your baby in your bed to avoid sex. A lot of couples do that.
SJ: When you first had Tiffany, what kind of place did you live in? Did you have help raising her or did you do it on your own?
AA: No I was on my own — welfare mom. I lived in a one-bedroom apartment in Van Nuys.
SJ: How old were the girls when you started film school?
AA: They were eight and five.
SJ: How did your kids react to your career?
AA: They have been very, very pleased and proud and it gave them inspiration to follow their own paths.
SJ: Was it hard when you first started? Did you feel guilty?
AA: There was a brilliant quote by Jocelyn Morehouse on the Vanity Fair shoot when all these women directors were posing for a picture. She said, "Here's a picture of the most guilty-feeling women on earth."
SJ: How did you handle day care?
AA: Day care is always a problem. I have had every type of situation — babysitters, nannies, day care — I make use of it all.
SJ: Were you the first director to list day care providers in your film's credits? How did the studio react?
AA: I guess I was the first. I figured we were thanking everyone else why not acknowledge the people I really couldn't have made the film without? The studio said no, I couldn't credit them cause there had never been a precedent. Which I didn't doubt. How many single moms direct films for them?
SJ: Did the studio pay for your day care on Grace of My Heart?
AA: Well, unofficially. In other words, it was not in my contract but it was in the budget. Now I'm trying to get it in my contract and that is a tough one.
SJ: Okay, one last question. Are you a different mom from your mother? (My mom told me to ask you this.)
AA: Yeah, definitely — but I like to think I have some of her spirit. She was pretty wild and she encouraged our creativity. My kids adore her.
SJ: Thank you, Allison!
AA: Thank you, too. And also — can you plug Tif's new single? Her band is Hot White Noon on UP records.
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Sarah Jacobson has made two films with virtually no budget — the infamous San Francisco Art Institute student film, the 1993 black-and-white short I Was a Teenage Serial Killer, and her first full-length feature, Mary Jane's Not a Virgin Anymore. Ruth Jacobson, Sarah's mom, runs the business end of her daughter's films. For more on Sarah, check out the Women's Zone interview with her from earlier this year and the Sarah Jane Web site. Or e-mail [email protected].
Also by Sarah in the Women's Zone: Where the Girls Are: Making Movies, featuring directors Tamra Davis, Jennie Livingston, Kristine Peterson, Tula Asselanis, Tina DiFeliciantonio, and Jane Wagner.
© 1997 Tripod, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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