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	(cont'd from page one) I quickly figured out that I had a talent for drifting in and out of lanes and cutting people off — yes, I'm a natural NYC driver. I just turned up the radio and prayed my way through these runs, apologizing to my fellow motorists under my breath. I'd return to the office, guiltily looking around, wondering if anyone had any idea how close I had come to costing the production some big money. My cover was blown the day I was summoned to William's desk and told I would be driving the producer on an errand. I immediately began to babble to the producer about being a horrible driver, but he was supportive. Like a pro driving instructor, he guided me over to the studio and even shared an anecdote about his first job with a movie (he sneaked onto the set of "Sid and Nancy," did a great job, then asked for employment). We had a good rapport and a fine afternoon, but I noticed my driving assignments were considerably lessened after this outing. As scared as I was of driving, I gradually came to prefer that fear to my office work — jobs that ran from the miserable (making 50 copies of 100-page scripts on a third-hand copy machine that loved to jam every three pages or so) to just plain mindless ("Hello, Production! Just a minute, who may I say is calling? Hello, Production! Please hold. Hello, Production! Hello, Production! Hello, Production!"). For the first two weeks I ran my butt off. I was sure they'd notice me and send me out to the set as a reward. But pre-production came and went — and I was still being sent to deal with the copy machine. I tried to remind myself that this was all in the name of high art, of Nabokov and "Lolita," but how was dealing with an errant copier going to make me a more attractive sell as a potential crew member? I started to get grumpy.
TRADE PAPERS: Hollywood Reporter Variety But you gotta buy the print papers if you want job info...	William was always telling me I was wasting time thinking about being a set PA. His thoughts were that these jobs just led to more PA jobs, or at best to becoming an AD, (assistant director), which is more like being a manager than an artist. Somewhere deep inside I knew William was right. I didn't want to organize anybody, I wanted to rewrite the script. And still I longed for the set, exotic and unknown. I phoned the "Lolita" office regularly (Scott had advised that regular calling showed sincere interest). They weren't ready to make a decision about me, but the AD said she was willing to take me into serious consideration now that I had some experience. It seemed like I had another month or so to get something impressive accomplished. Well aquainted with everyone at STO, I asked for a position with their locations department. I was an intern again, but I had learned that no one expected me to put in 16-hour days with no pay. I signed on with STO and submitted a résumé with another film in the building, a Universal picture called "Commandments," featuring Aidan Quinn, Courtney Cox, and a whale. From 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. I worked on "She's the One." From 5-9 p.m. I did computer work in the locations office for "Commandments." Needless to say, I was getting a little tired. My life had become "sleep-subway-film-subway." I knew as we got into production I would have to settle on one film or erase sleep from my schedule entirely. I chose "Commandments" because I thought the Universal Pictures credit would look better to the "Lolita" people.
NYC MAYOR'S OFFICE: Mayor's Office of Film, Theatre & Broadcasting Phone (212) 489-6710 If you have a fax, you can have the Film Techie's List faxed to you. LIST OF FILM INDUSTRY LINKS: aFilm.com	I gave notice at "She's the One," but managed to get a week in working on set. The budget of the film was triple that of "Walking and Talking" — which meant huevos rancheros instead of bagels for breakfast, and more Teamsters to play with. Being the first on set and the last to leave was a drag, but the communities we worked with were fun and I had my first meaningful exchange with a celebrity. From my street corner post on the second day of shooting, I spotted "Bobo the waiter" from "Moonstruck" (he was playing a character called "Mr. DeLucca" in STO) — a five-foot tall, elderly Italian actor — ogling the rear end of the Craft Services woman (Craft Services provide snacks for shoots). I was reaching into the cooler next to him to get some bottled water when he noticed me. "You know what W.C. Fields said about water, dontcha?" he asked. "No." "Don't drink water, fish fuck in it. Ahhh hahaha." I returned to my corner. *** CUT TO: A side street. Brooklyn. The set of "She's the One." "Who's in this?" "Cameron Diaz." "Who's that?" "The girl who was in 'The Mask' with Jim Carrey." "Oh, word. Is she naked?" "No." "Does anybody in this movie get blowed up?" "No." "What kind of movie is this?" "It's a romantic comedy." "Ahh, shit." *** CROSS FADE: My time at "Commandments" was unremarkable. I made some more contacts, learned a little more about computers, and had a third movie on my résumé after two months. Finally, the "Lolita" people told me I had a job back in New Orleans, paying $100 a day. A week before I was to leave NYC, a friend from "Walking and Talking" managed to hook me up with my first day of paid film work on a romantic comedy that was coming into Manhattan for a week to shoot exteriors. *** CUT TO: Street corner. Upper East Side. The set of "Breaking Up."
INDIE FILM INTERNSHIPS: VERY IMPORTANT: Fax — do not call! These people get hundreds of résumés a year. Good Machine FAX: (212) 343-9645, ATTN: Internship Coordinator The Shooting Gallery Fax: (212) 647-1392, ATTN: Internship Coordinator	"Who's in this?" "Salma Hayek." "Who's that?" "She was the girl in 'Desperado' with Antonio Banderas." "Oh, word. Is she naked?..." *** My long-desired PA duties involved babysitting a large pile of wires and a hyper Sikh extra ("I HAVE BEEN IN MANY MANY FILMS!"). Later in the day I was promoted to guarding yet another key corner and being abuse girl for the assistant director. "Gabrielle! I need a red sharpie! You've got one minute! Go!" I was starting to get a sinking feeling about what was waiting for me in New Orleans. The "Lolita" shoot was still behind schedule and the crew hadn't yet made it to New Orleans when I arrived. I was desperate for some money. Frustrated with the uncertainty of the "Lolita" schedule, Scott had taken an AD gig with a German TV mini-series and managed to throw some work my way. The next day I had to do lots of little office jobs. I was nervously running around in front of some German producer guy, who had taken to just sitting in his chair, wearing sunglasses, and prompting me at intervals to "be eeee-ffffcient." Finally he asked me if I would be free from the 17th to the 21st of November. I said I hoped to be working on "Lolita." He said that if I wasn't, I was to fly to Los Angeles with him. "For work?" "Yah, for vak and as a...tvaveling com-panion." Obviously the fact that I was the only person in the office who didn't speak both German and English made me the most likely candidate for this job assignment ("Yah, for vak and as my...cuddle bunny!"). I tactfully declined. Later I mentioned the exchange to another female PA and she said, "You mean he'd pay for your ticket and everything?" I did eventually work on "Lolita," and it was VERY interesting. The film takes place in 1947, which meant great set dressing and props. Seeing a '40s-era French Quarter street with antique cars and extras running in and out of fabricated rain was fantastic. Interior shooting was, however, quite long and boring. I remember spending what felt like hours filming a scene in which the stand-in Humbert was watching over Lolita from a doorway, puffing away on his cigar. The scene was done over and over and over again until the precise hue of red shone from the tip of the cigar. A hefty techie guy in small shorts and tube socks was clapping smoke off to the side of the shot as director Adrian Lyne called out, "That's right! Keep sucking — harder, harder!"
MOVIES: Walking & Talking She's The One Love God Lolita	My worst day on "Lolita" came on a beautiful, sunny Saturday. It was the kind of day when everyone wants to be outside, relaxing. Hundreds of people had flown into New Orleans to come and enjoy, among other things, Jackson Square Park in the heart of the French Quarter. My job — with the help of two other people — was to keep everyone out of Jackson Square Park. Now of course, legally these people can do whatever they want, but it was my job to make them believe otherwise. Needless to say, I met with some resistance. First the people yell, "Who are you to tell me where I can and cannot go, you — you — Hollywood bitch!" Then it's repercussion time on the walkie-talkie: "Who the hell let that guy in there? I said lock up that park, damn it!" Yes, it was nice to speak with Jeremy Irons (Humbert) for 30 seconds; no, it was not worth feeling idiotic. Before I knew it, I was back in New York, a month away from broke and uncertain about what I wanted. The cast and crew screening for "Walking and Talking" rolled around. There were all my old friends. Most everyone had stayed in film and progressed to the next level. They encouraged me to be patient and try another movie. So I phoned Good Machine and asked them if they had anything for me. I passed on a PA position with an out-of-town shoot for a chance at learning something different. The movie I got was a low budget monster job called "Love God." My new titles: assistant casting director, product placement coordinator, and a week of being a second second AD. William had been right: I didn't really want to be on set. My final day on "Love God" location, I knew I had guarded my last street corner — and I felt great! *** CUT TO: 1:00 a.m. Somewhere in the East 20s. The set of "Love God." "Who's in this movie?" "A big phallic-shaped prehistoric worm" "Oh, word. That's all right!" FADE TO CREDITS: "Love God" was featured in this year's competition at Sundance. A completed "Lolita" has yet to find a distributor. Now check out part one of this series to learn how Gabrielle settled in NYC with a bad case of Bright Lights, Big City, Empty Wallet — or jump ahead to part three for the happy ending where she finds herself Happily Caught in the Web. Gabrielle Mullem is a freelance writer who currently works as an editor at Urban Desires in New York City. © 1997 Gabrielle Mullem, all rights reserved.