Pregnant Pause

by Bernadette Noll

Oh yeah. I see it now

I went in for a sonogram on our 18-week-old fetus because the doctor said I should. I didn't see any real need, as neither I nor the infant were in any danger, and besides, I had seen still shots from sonograms before. They had seemed nothing more than gray-scale photos of — well, of nothing really. No matter how the parents pointed out to me the head and body of their internal infant, I could never quite make it out. Sometimes I would feign clarity, as I did when somebody asked me if I could see the Statue of Liberty in the mottled 3-D drawings found in malls nationwide: "Oh yeah. I see it now."

Perhaps it is that I was raised in the era of life captured on video. Perhaps it is that I grew up towards the tail-end of many siblings who were constantly trying to pull the wool over my eyes. Whatever the reason, it wasn't until I saw this fast-moving, heart-beating being on the screen that I really believed I was carrying our wee babe inside me.

I knew I was expecting of course. First, there were the TWO early pregnancy tests I took when I missed my menses. Next, came the tightness of my bras and the tenderness of my breasts. And then, there were the times my husband and I came to call "hormonal moments." They are like Hallmark moments — sentimental, tear-filled and lasting only about sixty seconds or so. For no explicable reason, tears would fill my eyes and some overwhelming emotion would fill my mind and heart. Initially these moments frightened us. Now they're cause for a good tear-stained laugh. Thankfully, I never experienced the dreaded morning sickness, but nausea aside, there were clues galore that my body was entering an expectant phase. And so, skeptic or no, I told everyone I knew.

Next, came the tightness

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